Let’s Try That Again

Lion Women

For this last episode of 2024 I had the great pleasure of sitting down with Marjan Kamali, the author of one of the best-selling novels of the year, "The Lion Women of Tehran." The novel, which spans three tumultuous and transformative decades of Iranian history, centers on the friendship between two women, Ellie and Homa, as they grow up, grow close, and then grow apart: "Together, the two young women come of age and pursue their own goals for meaningful futures. But as the political turmoil in Iran builds to a breaking point, one earth-shattering betrayal will have enormous consequences." At the heart of this novel, and of our conversation, is an exploration of the special bond that exists between women - as friends, as mothers & daughters, as aunts & nieces, as grandmothers & grand-daughters - and the strength and power that these bonds can hold when women come together to resist inequality, patriarchy, oppression, and unjust regimes. 
To learn more about Marjan Kamali and her work please visit her website at https://marjankamali.com/

In Defense of Dark Moods

With the holiday season in full swing - and new year's just around the corner - people are feeling ALL the feels such as joy, excitement, comfort, gratitude, but also anxiety, grief, resentment, loneliness. However, the message we receive from everyone - and everything - around us is usually some version of "stay positive!" "brighten up!" "choose happiness!" which implies that we need to quickly fix, push down, and ignore the "darker moods" we may be experiencing. As our guest in today's episode, Mariana Alessandri, argues in her book "Night Vision: Seeing Ourselves Through Dark Moods," from ancient Western philosophies, to modern psychology and the self-help industry, our dark moods - like grief, sadness, and anger - have been cast as irrational, symptoms of a mental disorder, or as a sign of personal failure and just plain ol' laziness. We begin our discussion with the ancient Stoics to highlight just how long this "broken-ness narrative" has persisted and then move onto the voices of more contemporary philosophers like Audre Lorde and Maria Lugones  who can help us learn how to embrace the dark and to see our painful moods as dignified, as parts of us that make us human. 

Identity, loss, and belonging: in conversation with Morgan Talty

Just in time for American Thanksgiving, my conversation with Morgan Talty - the award-winning & best-selling author of "Night of the Living Rez." In today's episode we delve into Morgan's debut novel, "Fire Exit," which is inspired by and sheds light on the life-changing effects of Blood Quantum, a system of measurement that was historically crafted by colonial powers to determine the degree of a person’s indigeneity, how much "Indian blood" one must have to "prove" that they belong to a tribe. Blood Quantum, a "sophisticated tool of genocide," as Morgan aptly puts it, became a way to regulate and ultimately reduce the Native American population in America. "Fire Exit" revolves around the life of Charles, a man haunted by his previous life growing up on the Penobscot Reservation and by a secret he keeps that he so desperately wants to share. This book has it all -- urging the reader to question what it means to give & receive love, what constitutes family & kinship, what kinds of trauma get passed down from generation to generation, what stories are ours to share & to hold on to, and ultimately, what does it mean to belong?
 

"Does meditation actually work?"

I borrowed the title of this episode from a May '24 National Geographic article, which attempts to answer the question using science -- lab studies, brain scans, heart monitors, fMRI results, etc. The article also conflates meditation with Mindfulness, which is one of the most popular forms of meditation being practiced and taught today. In this episode, my guest, Professor David McMahan, and I don't seek to answer this question of whether "meditation actually works" but instead turn the question on its head and ask: what kind of work does meditation do? The answer, Professor McMahan, argues depends on the socio-political, historical, and cultural context - the "social imaginary" - that the practitioner finds themselves in. And so "the work" that Mindfulness meditation may have done for the Buddhist Indian ascetic twenty five centuries ago, for whom these practices were actually developed, is entirely different than the work meditation may do for the middle-class professional living in New York (or Tokyo or Mumbai) today. As Professor McMahan illustrates in his book, "Rethinking Meditation: Buddhist Meditative Practices in Ancient and Modern Worlds," The Standard Version of Mindfulness today understands meditation to mean the "non-judgmental awareness of the present moment," and the practitioner is asked to forego any expectations or goal-oriented behavior. This modern description of meditation as bare-awareness, present-focused, as accepting oneself as we are with no judgements and goals has very little in common with the ways in which meditation is described in the early Buddhist Pali canon. And yet there is a tendency for many teachers and practitioners of Mindfulness today to believe that this practice - at least its "essence" - has been passed down from the time of the Buddha to today, completely unchanged, and being able to produce the same "results" and create the same spiritual subjects. 

Untigering with Iris Chen

In this week's episode I sit down with Iris Chen, a peaceful parenting coach, unschooler, and founder of the Untigering movement. In her book, "Untigering: Peaceful Parenting for the Deconstructing Tiger Parent," Iris describes how she started out as a (stereo-) typical Asian tiger mom, whose goal was to raise obedient and high-achieving children. However, her attempts to control and mold her children only led to constant tantrums and escalating conflict, and she soon realized something needed to change - and it wasn’t her children. Through her writing and speaking, Iris shares her journey of healing and shifting from power-over to power-with in her relationship with her children. Her mission is to inspire and support others to make the shift, especially among Asian communities. In our conversation we try to unpack how us first and second generation children of Tiger Parents (you don't have to be Asian to have experienced a strict, authoritarian upbringing!) can work on making better, or at least less fear-based, choices than those made by our parents & grand-parents. We also discuss and try to reconcile the practice of "filial piety," the traditional Chinese-Confucian virtue of showing love and respect for your parents and elders, while trying to Untiger and move away from some of the more harmful parenting practices and value-systems we have inherited from these same elders. And although we end with discussing Iris' work and ethics around unschooling, it is just a small glimpse of her larger vision for cultural transformation, communal healing, and collective liberation. To learn more about Iris and her work please visit her website at https://untigering.com/

Belonging without Othering

In this week's episode I sit down with Stephen Menendian, the Assistant Director and Director of Research at the Othering & Belonging Institute at the University of California, Berkeley. We discuss his latest book, co-authored with john powell, called "Belonging Without Othering: How We Save Ourselves and the World." Stephen starts us off with describing what "Othering" is, and how the framework can be helpful in examining - and can work towards remediating - forms of structural marginalization and inequality. Our conversation then turns to what Stephen and john powell both regard as one of the most dangerous forces in the world today, that of ethno-nationalism, and the various "identity entrepreneurs" fueling these movements. We end on a more hopeful note, discussing how all of us can work towards fostering more Belonging - through creating and telling new stories, ones in which we all have a voice and a role to play, and through creating & expanding our identities to include parts that can connect with others. It is only on common ground that we can begin to build the kind of world we want, one based on inclusion, fairness, justice, and care.
To learn more about Stephen and john's work please visit the Othering & Belonging Institute at https://belonging.berkeley.edu/

Childless Cat Ladies and Other Women Without Children

In today's episode I speak with Peggy O'Donnell Heffington, a professor of history at the University of Chicago, and author of "Without Children: The Long History of Not Being a Mother." There has been a long history of women without children being stigmatized, pitied, reviled, envied, and ignored. Within today's political climate - especially with the upcoming Presidential Elections - we have also seen examples of the trope of "the child-less cat lady" being rallied against so-called "non-mothers." With time, understandings and practices of Mothering are shifting to increasingly narrow definitions, where a Mother, today, is understood as a woman who can give birth to her own biological children, "naturally," and within the confines of a nuclear family. As we see unfolding before our eyes, with women being denied access to abortions in the United States, the government has always been interested, implicated, and often times, directly involved, in the decisions women make about their reproductive choices. In my conversation with Peggy Heffington, we dive into some of the historical, cultural, ecological, and socio-political reasons women today -as in the past -are not having children. Indeed, many of the reasons are not new: "history is full of women without children, some who chose childless lives, others who wanted children but never had them, and still others - the vast majority, then and now - who fell somewhere in between."
 
Here's a link to Rachel Treisman's article: https://www.npr.org/2024/07/29/nx-s1-5055616/jd-vance-childless-cat-lady-history
To learn more about Peggy Heffington and follow her work, check out her website: https://poheffington.com/

Lost - and Found - in Translation

Our guest in today's episode is Alejandra Oliva, a Mexican American translator and immigrant justice activist. We discuss her stunning memoir, "Rivermouth: A Chronicle of Language, Faith, and Migration," in which Alejandra delves into her family's history, her work as a translator, and the difficult journeys migrants must take to find a place to call home. We focus on Alejandra's work as an interpretor for asylum-seekers and for the migrants who were part of the caravan that made its way from Central America to the Mexican-US border in Tijuana in late 2018. What becomes clear as our coversation unfolds is that as difficult and traumatic as the journey is for many migrants who risk their lives and the lives of their children to make the harrowing journey to the Mexican border, the little hope and dignitiy they come with is put to the test by the US government, who - through their actions - ask: "what are you afraid of more, where you came from, or what we are about to do to you and your family before we even let you in?"

"The Bandit Queens": In conversation with Parini Shroff

In this Episode I speak with Parini Shroff, author of "The Bandit Queens." The novel revolves around the life of Geeta, a woman in a tiny village in India whose husband disappeared a few years ago. Everyone in the village begins to think Geeta killed him, and some desperate housewives start approaching Geeta for help in getting rid of their own, no-good husbands. Geeta isn't sure she wants to get involved, but some leave her with no choice. With a lot of heart - and humor - Parini Shroff addresses a wide range of important issues ranging from the stigma around widowhood, caste/class politics, intimate and domestic violence, and the complexities and strength of female friendships. 
Parini Shroff received her MFA from the University of Texas at Austin. She is a practicing attorney and currently lives in the Bay Area. "The Bandit Queens" is her debut novel. 
Here are some sources to learn more about Phoolan Devi:
"I, Phoolan Devi: The Autobiography of India's Bandit Queen"
"India's Bandit Queen: The True Story of Phoolan Devi" by Mala Sen
"Phoolan Devi Rebel Queen," a graphic novel, by Claire Fauvel
Here's a link to Arundhati Roy's scathing critique of Sekhar Kapoor's 1994 film Phoolan Devi: http://www.rarre.org/documents/roy/Arundhati%20Roy%20on%20Shekhar%20Kapur's%20Bandit%20Queen.pdf
Parini mentioned R.O. Kwon's article on parents who regret having children: https://time.com/6966914/parental-regret-children-ro-kwon-essay/

Rethinking Resiliency: In Conversation with Soraya Chemaly

Our guest in today's episode is Soraya Chemaly, an award-winning author, journalist, and activist. We discuss Soraya's new book, "The Resilience Myth: New Thinking on Grit, Strength, and Growth after Trauma," in which she urges us to question and dismantle popular ideas around resiliency that prioritize the mind/body dichotomy, encourage a "tough-it-out" mentality, celebrates productivity, and rests on the expectation of "bouncing-back" as quickly as possible. Throughout our conversation, and as Soraya argues in her book, it is clear that this cultural script for resilience is, in fact, part of the same systems and worldviews that require us to be so resilient to begin with. And as the 2024 Paris Olympic games wind-down, one athlete's story - among many! - has already left a mark on so many of us, that of Simone Biles. Soraya believes that Simone is a wonderful role model for this new reimagining of resiliency, one in which the body's needs are acknowledged and nurtured, where the virtues of "productivity" and "soldiering-on" are questioned, and where time is taken to heal with the help and support of family, peers, and the larger community.